my birfday

As I type this, I am dealing with consumption, better known as tb, or it might even be throat leuk. I'll let science decide.

I was putting off writing this entry bc it involves all my friends lying straight to my face. Soooo here it goes:

My birfday is jan 12th. About 4 months prior to this mrs. ktl said that she had to attend a librarian conference in Philly, and she said "sorry, ktl, but you have to go with me."

"On my birthday weekend?! Dammit, mrs. ktl!"
Of course, I conceded cause that's what keeps a marriage healthy. I was dreading the weekend because, come on, sound it out in your head....librarian.....dance.....party. Can it get any lamer?

But as a consolation prize, max anger and danb, said they would meet me in philly to celebrate, so my birthday wouldn't be totally ruined. Did I mention this was going to be my 30th?

Anyway, for the 4 months leading up to the conference. I kept telling people that I would be out of town for my 30th bday, and that we would have to celebrate the following weekend. It seemed like everyone was concerned that I was going to miss my birthday. But I was psyched cause max, DanB, and I were going to tear up the city of brotherly love.

DanB was flying into Philly, so I printed up the directions to the airport and got all his flight info. Mrs. ktl gave me the address to the hotel we were staying at, which she assured me was close to the conference.

So the weekend finally arrives, and I am all packed up and mrs. ktl is dragging ass packing her shit up...as usual. To put more of an urgency to our departure, I was going to pick up max and finally meet his mysterious girlfriend, strippersaurus, before we headed off to Philly. After what seemed like an hour of packing toiletries, mrs. ktl was finally ready, and we drove off to max's to pick him up and begin our journey to Philly.

We arrived at his place, and I was eager to get inside to see strippersaurus. At the door to his building, he met someone that he knew, and I kind of held up because I didn't want to bust in on strippersaurus by myself. But Max yelled, "GO INSIDE!!!", so without any more encouragement I went inside.....to a surprise party beyond proportions!!!

Everyone was there. It was amazing.

I went around hugging everyone and shaking hands. I was overcome with astonishment. There were so many people there, from all the different worlds of my life and they all collided and formed a magical kingdom called....my birthday.

The only problem (I thought) was that I had to be in Philly the next day to pick up DanB, and I couldn't stay here long cause we had to go to mrs. ktl's conference. But as I got around to the last people in the room. There was DanB.

I was confused....if he was here, then who was I picking up in Philly? What about the conference? Don't we have to leave soon?

Then my very slow brain caught up to what happened. It. Was. All. LIES.

The whole fucking thing was a lie. And then it dawned on me, the sheer magnitude of the lie. All these people knew I wasn't going to Philly. I had talked to everyone about this. For months these people knew. I had lunch everyday with someone that was coming to the party. I slept in the same bed with the biggest liar of them all. The people I am closest to in my life are incredible liars.

Incredible.

Anyways, the night degraded into a slobbery drink-fest for me. I picked a fight with the host (and won), had a pretzel shoved into my ear, and got to party like I was in college. It was awesome.

So I'd like to thanks all those involved in one of the biggest lies of my life, and one of the best birfdays ever. And an extra thank you and love you to my wife, mrs. ktl. the bestest wife ever-est!

Here are some pics of the night. Enjoy, I know I did!

A pic of some liars:


i like that the robinson's have the same expression, and that mr. robinson, is giving me the bird:


the best drinking game...ever. DING!

Danb's Freedom party

capn dan finally came home to us and is not owned by the military anymore. he is a combat veteran, which gives him a free pass to do/say most anything he wants. his mother and slf threw him a freedom party in hot-lanta during the christmas season, and fun was had by all. here are some pics of the event...enjoy:

this is a pre-party pic


this is near the end of the party. everyone is wearing t-shirts that were made special with a quote and danb's picture on the back. fyi - i don't know how that hipster made it into the pic.....douchebag


that's slf, tucker, danb, mrs. ktl, ktl, and ktl's spare chin

you white people are funny!

I don't normally advertise about other blogs here, but I just read through one that is entirely too hilarious not to mention.

GO TO THIS SITE AND READ THE WHOLE THING

I actually lol-ed when I read through all the archives of this blog. No matter your race, color, creed, religion, and sexual preference, you will find the satirical insight into lefty white culture informative, funny, and a little too close to home. If any of the post apply to you, laugh about it, think to yourself "that's so true", and then move on. Because if you can't laugh at yourself, then you need to get a fucking life.

ps- About 10% of the posts applied to me and about 25% of them to mrs. ktl. I made fun of her and her people till she cried.

quick update: eddie izzard in yo face!

If you have never heard Eddie Izzard, he is a british transvestite stand-up comedian. One of the funniest and smartest comics out there. But recently, he's been trying his hand at acting (the riches, ocean's 12 and 13, etc..), so he's been off the circuit for about 6 years. well, now he's back and doing shows here in nyc. and i got some tickets! orchestra level, middle section, middle of the row. i'm super psyched!

this almost didn't happen bc i heard about it 3rd hand, and he had already started his run of gigs. AND someone, who i thought was a friend(cb), (and who knew i was a GIANT izzard fan) held out on the knowledge for a week that eddie was performing, before he told me. luckily for him, i got some sweet tickets, but now i know where i stand in our friendship. i've heard that revenge is a dish best served cold, and i'll have my revenge. maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of my life.

but for now, ill be content with some eddie izzard on march 5th!

chocolate dong!

So here's part of what I did over my Christmas vacation:

The White Dianna Party was a complete success.

But KTL what is a White Dianna Party?

Well, its like a white elephant gift exchange, where gifts are opened one-at-a-time, and subsequently stolen. Our festive take on the event was Max Anger and my idea. But don't take my word for it, here was the invite Max sent out:

Velkomen! You are invited to the 2nd annual White Dianna Christmas Party!

One year ago, succubus ex-girlfriend Dianna requested I host a Christmas/her birthday party at my house, with a White Elephant theme. All sounded like fun, until the Succubus demanded that only her friends could attend! The demands went ignored, and in spectacular fashion, the right people (you!) were invited instead and the party was saved from the maladjusted social mongoloids that were her friends. So, we're doing it again, but this time, there will be no Dianna, only her evil spirit haunting our party like any appropriate Christmas ghost would.

A White Dianna Party is a White Elephant party meaning you need to bring a cheap, wrapped gift, and then we put the gifts in the center of the room. We draw straws to see what order the mystery gifts are chosen, and a gift can either be chosen from the pot or you can take someone else's opened gift whenever it strikes your fancy! But each gift can only be traded twice, and thus the question becomes, "Will you end up with awesome foam swords like I did last year, or with the pointless decorated box that David won last year but was left at my place in disgust?" Come and find out!

and here was the email flyer Max made to accompany the party:



So the presents I like to bring to these kinds of Christmas parties, are ones that get a big laugh but no one would want to trade for them. So that the person who chose my gift is stuck with it for the entire game. Last year I made 2 foam swords (a long sword and a short sword, so that you could floretine), and this year I purchased a 6.5" black dildo. Yes, I'd say my gift was awesome to quite awesome. And I thought that I had succeeded in buying that perfect "big laugh-no trade" gift, because it was picked right off the bat and lasted till near the end of the night, when all of a sudden it got traded 3 times real quickly. I think everyone secretly wanted it, but were too afraid to steal. Anyway, "chocolate dong" was the phrase of the night and for the next few days.

Other gifts that were popular:
a pair padded nunchucks
modded nerf gun
optimus prime mr. potato head
lite-brite


stay tuned for more stories and pics....including Danb's freedom party and my surprise bday party.

2 posts in a week?! ktl have you gone mad!?

indeed, i have. i have just been seeing alot of movies lately, and it's exciting. so we trekked out again and saw the midnight show of cloverfield. while the movie was entertaining to a point, it was still disappointing. i was really expecting more from jj abrams. there were great spots of humor, some very good action sequences and some very bad ones, the plot simple, and the suspense was spotty and cheap. something that i really didn't like about the movie is that half the movie was shot at a 45 degree tilt. now, i know jj was probably going for a more realistic look, but we KNOW its a handheld! you don't have to beat us over the head with it for an hour and a half. at least hold the camera straight up and jostle it around.

anyway, it was entertaining, and it was probably my own fault for hyping it up too much in my mind. so i give it 2.5/5 stars. i won't ever own this movie, but if it's ever on tv, i might not change the channel if i'm eating dinner.

on a more fun note. i am hosting another dodgeball event this weekend. hopefully mrs. ktl will get some good action shots of me hitting max anger, danb, activated charcoal, and a bunch of other folks right in the eye.

ps- name all the states that border the great lakes.

pps- i am a terrible drummer on rock band

there will be blood

i'm posting from work in the middle of a busy day, but i have to post about a movie. tl wizard, dan.b, mrs. ktl, and i went to see "there will be blood" last night. i went in with high expectations and was not disappointed. daniel day lewis, amazing. paul dano, amazing. the story, amazing. the score, amazing.

go see this movie, people.


ps- stay tuned for stories from christmas, new years, and my surprise birthday party.

pps- juno was good too